


Present Past Imperfect

by tersa (alix)



Series: Dragon Age:Present Imperfect [1]
Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age 2, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening
Genre: Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Plot What Plot, Porn, Slash, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-19
Updated: 2011-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:16:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alix/pseuds/tersa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders used to be involved with Nathaniel Howe before he fled the Grey Wardens. The spark is still there--and Marian Hawke sees it when they encounter Nathaniel in the Deep Roads. When Nathaniel stops by the Hawke Estate later at Anders's request, territorial circling over too many bottles of wine leads to the three of them winding up in bed.</p><p>Inspired by <a href="http://dragon-age.livejournal.com/394388.html">this art piece</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Present Past Imperfect

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to LiveJournal in May 2011

**Act III**

It was hardly the time to notice it, Hawke thought to herself, being in the Deep Roads again, seeing her baby sister for the first time in three years, facing mortal peril from darkspawn attacks, but there was a crackle of electricity between Anders and this Nathaniel Howe that went beyond ‘old friends’ or ‘comrades in arm’.

She should know, since it was the same spark she shared with Anders.

Blue light shone from Anders’s hands as he healed a gash across Nathaniel’s ribs caused by a hurlock’s sword, the easy caress he gave to the area before he pulled away and the momentary look the two men shared. Then Anders turned and saw her watching and bit his lip, hurrying away to tend to Aveline. Eyes narrowing, her attention went back to Howe, only to find that he was eyeing her speculatively in return. Unaccountably, she felt her pulse leap in hollow of her throat, but she refused to break eye contact, coolly challenging. It was he who blinked, when Bethany walked up to Nathaniel’s side and glanced between the two of them in wary confusion.

“Oh ho, an old flame,” Isabela’s voice came in undertone at Hawke’s shoulder.

Hawke looked at her sharply. “What?”

Isabela’s smile was sly. “I’ve seen enough of them to know, love. Your pet mage and that cool drink of ale over there…” She shrugged. “I’d do him.”

“This is neither the time nor the place,” Hawke muttered.

Laughing, Isabela wiped her blades off and sheathed them. “But there can be.”

The words haunted her.

#####

The night was warm, and the open windows in her study caught the occasional breeze that swirled fitfully while she read, ensconced in one of the large chairs. Bodhan interrupted with a knock announcing his presence, giving a short bow. “Messere, there’s a man here for Messere Anders. What should I tell him?”

Hawke blinked. Although it was no great secret amongst her friends that Anders had moved in with her, no one _called_ on him here. None of her companions had ever had reason to, and Anders made it a point not to allow anyone from his _other_ business into this side of his life. That left only one thing…

She grabbed the sword down off the display over the mantle. “I’ll take care of it,” she replied grimly. “Find Anders, tell him to get ready to run.” Bodhan’s eyes grew even wider and he scurried off, while Hawke strode out to the main hall and past it to the receiving foyer. To be brought up short by Howe standing there.

He noticed her approach, the huge claymore in her grip, and froze. “You?” he asked, clearly caught off guard.

Fingering the hilt of the weapon, she lowered it after a moment’s indecision. “You’re looking for Anders?”

Thoughts flitted across Howe’s face, twisting his expression, and she could see the moment when he’d fit the pieces together. Again, his eyes narrowed and studied her while he said, “He asked me to stop by his house before I left.”

Her grip tightened on the sword momentarily. “Are you going to try to take him back to the Wardens?”

He flinched backwards, taking a half a step back, before recovering. His mouth twisted in a wry smile. “I’ve found that I have very little power to get Anders to do anything he doesn’t wish to. No.” His smile frosted with bitterness. “I will not be trying to get him to return to Ferelden with me.”

She tilted her head at his phrasing, but before she could ask of it, footsteps pounded across the main hall and Anders skidded to a stop between them, shirtless and barefoot in the summer heat, probably interrupted in the writing of another one of his treatises. “You came,” he said to Nathaniel, happy warmth emanating from his voice. “I didn’t think you would.”

“I wasn’t sure I would,” Nathaniel replied, but he was still eyeing Hawke.

As if just noticing the way they were sizing each other up, Anders looked between the two of them, then put a hand to Hawke’s elbow. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Warning would have been nice,” Hawke replied with a sigh. “I thought he was the templars.”

Anders blinked, then barked a laugh. “They probably wouldn’t have waited to be received. Please,” he said, reaching out to take Nathaniel’s hand in his own, tugging on it in lead, “come in.”

#####

Hawke had lost track of the hour. Anders had poured drinks for them all in the study, which was probably for the best, given the awkwardness between her and Howe, then started asking him about life in Amarathine. She dismissed Bodhan and Orana, closing the door for a measure of privacy while the two discussed Warden business, then fell into reminiscing about times past and people she didn’t know. Nathaniel threw her uneasy glances at first, but as Anders blithely continued talking, he eventually left off unless she shifted. Left out of the conversation, she had nothing else to do than listen and pour herself another drink, refilling their glasses in the process, until the bottle was gone.

She mumbled excuses about getting another bottle and bolted out of the room, pausing to press her heated forehead against the cool stone of the wall. What was she doing, intruding on their reunion? The tiny demon Jealousy whispered a laugh in the back of her mind, answer to her question. She loved Anders, trusted him with her life and beyond, but...she wasn’t sure about Howe. How would Anders react being alone with his former lover, and he to him, when she herself felt a magnetic pull to the taciturn Warden?

Wait--what?

She decided she was either too drunk, or not drunk enough, if she was having such thoughts, and went to fetch the bottle of brandy and hurry in her return. She paused outside the ajar door, steeling herself, when Nathaniel broke the silence within the study.

“Why did you leave?”

Hawke heard the pain roughening Nathaniel’s voice, and held her breath. A chair creaked, someone shifting in his seat, and Anders replied softly, “I couldn’t stay any longer. I had something I needed to do.”

“You’re a Warden,” Nathaniel rasped, anger tinging his voice. “Warden’s don’t leave the order.”

“I’m a mage, first, last, and always,” Anders said. “I thought when she recruited me, I would be free, but I realized I’d just traded one set of shackles for another. I had to leave the Wardens because it was my calling.”

“And me?” Hawke flinched at the harshness of Nathaniel’s tone, feeling kinship in his frustration.

Anders was nearly inaudible, and she had to strain to hear him. “You found a home and a family there,” Anders said in a wistful tone that made Hawke’s heart hurt. “The Wardens made you whole for the first time in your life.”

“So did you.”

“I...” Anders gave a small laugh. “I would’ve destroyed you all over again if I’d stayed with you, given the choices I had to make.”

Nathaniel’s voice went quiet. “What about her?”

Anders sounded bleak when he said, “I warned her, but she was too damn stubborn to give up on me, and I was too weak to tell her no.”

Silence fell again, and Hawke decided it a good time to make her return. Both of them snapped their gazes to her guiltily, but she smiled, pretending not to have heard. “Took me a while to dig it out,” she said too brightly, and they relaxed as she poured.

“The Ancient Thaig,” Nathaniel said, seizing on a new topic. “What can you tell me about it?”

Eyebrow lifting, she shrugged. “Nothing more than what Bethany has probably already told you. Or Anders could.”

Nathaniel smiled. He really ought to do that more often, Hawke thought, it softened the harshness of his features and made him…she tore her mind from following that train of thought, and focused on what he was saying. “I’d like to hear about it from you, too, if you don’t mind. You might remember a detail that they missed.”

Downing then refilling her glass, she launched into her recollections, Anders occasionally taking over to add his memories. It was thirsty work, and the second bottle of good Antivan brandy was polished off in the telling. Winding down, she excused herself to visit the privy.

She returned to find Nathaniel against the wall, his shirt open down the front, Anders kissing him with one hand splayed across Nathaniel’s cheek, the other preventing him from reaching the door. Nathaniel’s fingertips dragging across the skin of Anders’s bare back, a leg pressing against his outer thigh. They broke apart when she entered, guilt coloring Anders’s expression, simmering resentment on Nathaniel’s.

Reactions warred within her. Jealousy. Sympathy. Anger. The spike of desire shocked her, but seeing them like that was… _hot_. The brandy must be addling her brain.

“Marian,” Anders blurted out, “let me explain.” The liquor had made his speech mushy, made worse by his haste.

“That he was your lover?” she asked before he could, but her lingering look was for Nathaniel.

“Well…yes,” Anders said, deflating.

She tilted her head. “You’re leaving tomorrow?”

Nathaniel’s eyebrows arched up. “The ship sails on the morning tide.”

Something stirred in her, but she looked to Anders. “Do you want him?”

A miserable expression crossed his face. He answered in a soft voice, “Yes.”

She stood rooted to the spot, letting the emotional war rage inside of her as she considered options, until compassion won out. “Then I’ll leave you to him,” Hawke said, perhaps with more snark than she would normally use. She blamed the alcohol, and turned to leave.

Anders made a grab for her wrist, and pawed her chest instead. “Wait, don’t go.” She hesitated from the burst as his hand skimmed over her breast, her nipple hardening at the pleasant friction of cloth on skin, and he took it as leave to stumble towards her and fall into a kiss.

Her mind whirled. It was his kiss, that first kiss, that had devastated her all those years ago, and stripped of his inhibitions, she felt the full force of his attention smack her in the chest, knocking the wind out of her. For a moment, all it was was her and him, and the raging desire re-kindled.

He pulled away from her too soon, sooner than she would have liked, and as she caught her breath, she was reminded they were not alone in the room. Nathaniel was watching with glittering, narrowed eyes.

“I…” Anders began, then stepped back nervously to look at both of them. “I want _both_ of you.”

“At the same time?” Nathaniel asked sardonically.

Color rose in Anders’s cheeks. “Yes.”

Memory flashbacked, incongruously, to the Wounded Coast, and the Antivan elf Isabela had known. ‘Known’. Hawke remembered that flush of warmth when Isabela had followed Zevran away from the false noble’s camp, drawing a reluctant Fenris after her toward promises of a night he would remember forever. He had seemed almost happy for a few days after that.

Nathaniel was looking at her. She looked back. An understanding passed between them in those moments, recognizing in one another kindred spirits. Nathaniel lowered his chin in a shallow nod of acknowledgement. Hawke said aloud, “Well?”

His gaze traveled, down from her face to her toes, then back up again. A corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. He echoed, “Well?”

She trembled, in excitement, she realized, when she stepped towards Anders and kissed him, making him moan as his tongue flickered out to press against hers, and she turned so she could meet Nathaniel’s eyes past Anders’s head. She withdrew, leaving Anders breathing hard, only to have Nathaniel touch his waist, turning him. Their mouths met and Anders sighed noisily into it, burying a hand in Nathaniel’s long hair. On and on it went, with resentment growing inside her, until it broke just before she did. Anders looked at her glassy-eyed and smiled, tugging on her upper arm to draw her closer. From pressure on her arm, his shoulder, Anders made his intentions clear, guiding Hawke and Nathaniel together. Nathaniel’s tongue came out to run over his lips. Hawke watched the gesture and swallowed hard, lips parting to breathe in sharply. Anders’s hand covered her breast and she gasped at the unexpected touch, shoulders rolling back, and Nathaniel’s pupils dilated, watching avidly. Lips touched the side of her throat, joining the sensual circling of her breast until fingertips found her nipple, and she exhaled. Waiting.

Not for long. Nathaniel’s uncertainty was oddly endearing as he finally moved, leaning in to press his lips against hers, the shock that coursed through her accompanied by the sudden warmth between her thighs. The grunt she made vibrated through her mouth and into him, and it was like it shook something loose. His lips moved with increasing hunger, tongue darting out to taste her for the first time. Lightheadness took her, knees weakening, and Anders’s arm snaked around her waist, turning her towards him and steadying her. Eagerly, she tilted her head towards her shoulder, not breaking the kiss with Nathaniel, because she was drowning in the flood of desire it unleashed. Anders dropped from her neck across her shoulder, his thumb straying under the collar of her shirt to brush against bare skin, as Nathaniel’s strong arms encircled her, supporting her as his hands found Anders, wrapping around his neck and the wrist that fondled her. She could feel both of them hard against her thighs and she purred, squirming against the press of their bodies, to have both of them whimper brokenly.

She smiled, which caused Nathaniel to break away and look at her questioningly. She didn’t leave enough time for it to become concern, giving silent answer by reaching, a hand sliding under the waistband of Anders’s pants to curve over his ass and squeeze, the other twisting to worm between their bodies and find the hard knot of Nathaniel’s swollen member, stroking it through the fabric. Anders’s approval vibrated pleasantly over her heart, but Nathaniel’s caused her to melt a little more, the sudden, powerful thrust of his groin into her hand, as he took his pleasure from her touch.

Nathaniel’s breath came hot and noisy in her ear when he took it in his mouth, sucking on the lobe, and she swayed, to feel their bodies rub against hers, to feel their bodies respond. Anders left off nuzzling her cleavage to kiss his way up the column of her neck and find her mouth again, his hand leaving her breast to curl around Nathaniel’s cheek, Nathaniel’s hand replacing it to explore, finding the nipple to trace circles around it. Her back arched in sudden reaction, against Anders, his sharp exhalation fanning the flames.

As heady as it was to be between them, a small portion of her mind still clinging to reason knew this wasn’t about her. She made the decision to cede centerpoint, breaking away from Anders’s mouth with some reluctance and finding a grip on his waist for balance as she dropped to her knees between the two of them. Feeling both of them pause, the weight of their gazes to see what she would do, she lifted her head back to look to Anders. He knew her. He guessed her intent, and his lips parted, but she asked aloud anyway. “Who?”

His free hand dropped to touch her face, a trembling thumb stroking her cheek when she leaned into it, eyes fluttering closed briefly. “Him,” Anders replied, voice thick with arousal. At Nathaniel’s explosive exhale, Anders looked from her to him, almost shyly. “If he’ll allow it. The two of you together,” he licked his lips, eyes shining. “It turns me on so much.”

Nathaniel looked back and forth between them, settling on her. He nodded, but she saw wariness there, maybe fear, nudging her towards gentleness as she began unknotting his trews. He began shivering, from nervousness, from anticipation, she wasn’t sure, but she heard Anders murmur something soothing before the sound of kissing resumed, a sigh sending a stronger ripple down Nathaniel’s body. She undid the last loop and tugged, loosening the lace until the waistband sagged, and carefully peeled it off to expose Nathaniel’s manhood. Nathaniel stiffened, and again she heard Anders whisper to him, while she lowered his pants to his knees and releasing them to return her attention to Nathaniel’s cock. She couldn’t help but note the differences, slightly broader, the tight, dark curls, and hesitated--this wasn’t _Anders_. Until Anders’s hand on her face caressed, thumb dropping to play lightly against her mouth. Without thought, she parted her lips and curled her tongue around his thumb, drawing it in to suck, and Anders groaned. She would have been content to keep doing that, hearing the noises he made while she did so, but after some time, he exerted the slightest of pressure to guide her towards Nathaniel’s upswept manhood. She caught a whiff of sweat, and Nathaniel’s musk, and sex, and her reticence dissolved, rewarded by a deep, baritone moan as she enclosed the head and took in as much as she could.

Sucking, her hand wrapped around the shaft and began stroking, until Nathaniel was swaying forward, pushing himself into the twin sensations, groans increasing in volume and pitch as his reserves melted away under the dual attentions. Anders’s hand wrapping counter to hers along Nathaniel’s members sent a jolt of fire down to her thighs and a renewed burst of dampness, which paled next to Nathaniel’s violent jerk at the touch and gasping whimper.

She could sense through feel and taste how very close he seemed to climax, and pulled away, her release prompting Anders to as well, but splayed her hand across Nathaniel’s hip in reassurance as she tilted her gaze upwards to find Anders with his head resting in the hollow of Nathaniel’s shoulder looking down to her, Nathaniel with his eyes closed and breathing hard. “Bedroom?” is all she said, voice so husky to make the syllables nearly gutteral.

“Yes,” he breathed, drawing it out into a hissing sigh which roused Nathaniel. While she climbed to her feet, Anders kissed Nathaniel briefly, and said, “Put your pants back on.” He did so, and she fit herself into Anders’s side, his arm going around her waist as he kissed her hard, growling, then pulled back to meet her gaze. “I love you so much,” he said, desire and intensity dropping his voice an octave to a level that rumbled through to her core.

“I know,” she replied, with a fierce smile. “It’s the only reason I let you talk me into this.”

He chuckled and kissed her again, and she swore she could feel her toes curl. A hand touched her shoulder and she broke away to find it was Nathaniel’s, who was looking at both of them. His pants were once again around his hips, and color high in his cheeks. She reached up to pluck the hand from her shoulder to take in hers, and tugged on it with a, “Come.”

The journey up the stairs to their bedroom was fitful in its progress, Anders pausing at the bottom to draw Nathaniel into a throat-deep kiss, then dragging him up the stairs swiftly to catch up to Marian, impeding her by snaking an arm around her waist that turned into a brief grope, and when she broke free and continued the climb, stopped again when she felt a hand go to her neck, starting there but traveling down over her shoulders, past her waist to her ass. She looked over her shoulder to be surprised by Nathaniel pulling his hand back, Anders smirking gleefully, and gave him a wry smile in return. Nathaniel visibly relaxed at the show of approval, and they quickened their pace to the privacy of a closed door.

A certain awkwardness descended as they parted to shed their clothing, and Marian felt her heartbeat quicken with nervousness. She could stand up to Meredith before half the nobles of the city or hordes of darkspawn without batting an eyelash, but suddenly faced with the prospect of bedding her lover’s ex-lover, she paused to wonder what she was doing. Then she caught sight of Nathaniel’s nakedness, the curving musculature of his chest and legs, the dark down of along both and the thickening strip down his belly past his navel, and his dark eyes drinking her--not Anders--in, just as eagerly, and the realization that she wanted him just as much or more than Anders burst in her head.

Anders was already in the bed, sheets pulled back to receive them, but Marian stepped over to where Nathaniel stood rooted to the spot and put a hand over his heart, feeling it thud against her palm. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but before the words came out, she’d lifted her other hand to put a shushing finger to his lips. With a light scraping of her fingernails as she clenched her hand through his chest hair, tugging oh so gently, she turned away to join Anders, finding him watching them with a look of such longing that she threw herself atop him, losing herself momentarily in the sensation of having him all to herself, his body pressed full-length against her and his hands cradling her back.

The bed creaked and their weight shifted, Nathaniel seating himself, and Marian pulled out of the kiss so they could both turn to look, Anders loosening a hand to reach out to draw Nathaniel closer. Regretfully, Marian slid away to one side, so that Nathaniel could curve against the other, to watch him replace her as Anders kissed him, hand coming to rest on the small of Nathaniel’s back. It really was hot to watch them, and Marian’s eyes half-lidded as she snuggled deeper against Anders so she could lean in and draw the shell of his ear into her mouth, nibbling, feeling the heat of Nathaniel’s face against her cheek, his long hair brushing her neck. Anders’s response was to groan, his hips coming off the mattress, prompting her to lay her hand against his knee, skidding it up his leg to his inner thigh to gather up his cock and begin to stroke it, eliciting a fresh moan from him. The hand that found her breast surprised her the moment before it found the nipple and began fondling it, as hazily she realized that with Anders arm resting along her back that it was Nathaniel who touched her, making her dizzy.

Anders was beginning to push into her purposefully, falling into a rhythm when he whimpered, “Wait, wait.”

She immediately stopped, hand encircling his manhood loosely. “What?” she managed to get out, which was more than Nathaniel could.

“Unguent,” Anders said, looking to Nathaniel. “Brown bottle, shelf above the desk.” Nathaniel left the bed, crossing the floor in unsteady strides, leaving Marian to study Anders in fuzzy confusion. “You’ll see,” he told her, then found the wet slit between her thighs and the nub within, and she suddenly didn’t care about anything but the need boiling in her veins and Anders rolling to his side to face her. She lifted a leg rest on his, further parting herself and his fingers dipped down to find the opening, pressing into her as she gasped. A broken grunt, and her eyes flew open to see Nathaniel standing by the bed, watching, and a deep shudder racked her.

It distracted Anders into withdrawing, his slicked fingers grabbing onto her thigh to stay her from moving, before he looked over his shoulder. “Take me. Please,” he added, pleading in his voice as well.

Marian watched with fascination as Nathaniel uncorked the greasy salve and stroked it over his erection until it glistened, then took up more on his finger and spread Anders’s backside. Anders’s eyes closed and he thrust towards her in obvious pleasure, his cock sliding against her sex in a thrill. As Nathaniel capped the bottle, Anders took himself in his hand to position himself and slid in with a deep sigh, holding himself there. When she shuddered, and made to pull herself away to thrust again, Anders grabbed her hip in a hand to still her. “Wait,” he breathed.

It was almost excruciating, holding like this, him buried inside her, filling her, tiny little frictions as Nathaniel stretched out on the bed again, shifting their weight on the mattress, until she contracted along his length, causing him to inhale in a sob, then again. The pressure mounted, even as from Anders’s other side, Nathaniel was…doing something, out of her view, except that Anders began to quiver. A slow thrust of Nathaniel’s hips, and ecstasy broke on both men’s faces, Anders plunging into her hard.

The sensation was incredible, Anders taking her with an abandon he hadn’t shown for years, his cries filling her ears, but knowing the tiny hitches in rhythm came from Nathaniel working from the other side. She reached out and found Nathaniel’s grip on Ander’s waist and closed her hand on his wrist, feeling the taut cords of an archer’s forearm slide under her palm. She opened her eyes to find Anders with his closed, panting, sounds become breathy as he neared his climax, then flickered beyond, to Nathaniel’s dark gaze. A jerk and a push, and Anders spent himself inside her, a coughing exhale escaping him as he sagged.

She felt herself close, so close, felt Anders continue to move inside her from Nathaniel continuing to pump against him, and it was like he was taking her now. Impulsively, she peeled his hand away from Anders’s waist and brought it to her mouth, drawing a finger in and sucking. With a moan that seemed as if it was torn from his soul, Nathaniel shuddered. The sound filling her ears, she crested, crying out with the release as it crashed over her, threatening to drown her in the undertow.

She never wanted to move again, but Anders, recovering first, shifted next to her and eased her away, rolling her to her back. She felt more movement through the mattress, and with a fleeting kiss, he was climbing over her to leave the bed. More movement, and Nathaniel followed suit, leaving her to clutch the sheet up to her chest and watch while they began cleaning up and finding their clothing. With a bone weary sigh, she hauled herself up to do the same.

If it was strange undressing, it was even more so getting dressed. She threw surreptitious glances at Nathaniel while he fixed the laces of his shirt, being caught at it by a glance that had her ducking her gaze shyly. She settled for a shirt that billowed down to her thighs and a pair of trews she tied with a tug, taking a seat on the bed while Nathaniel dealt with boots, buckles, and vambraces.

He finished and stood, until Anders swept over to him and pulled him into a hug. Marian noticed stiffness in Nathaniel’s posture that thawed minutely as Anders whispered into his ear, and he clutched Anders back briefly before breaking away.

She stood and stepped forward slowly, Nathaniel giving her a courteous dip of his chin. “Champion.”

Laughter overcame her, and she smiled. “Shall I continue to call you ‘Warden’ then? Or Howe?” She gathered his hands in hers and squeezed them gently. “Please. Call me Marian.”

Nathaniel dropped his eyes sheepishly, then nodded once. “Marian, then.” He leaned in to kiss her cheek, lingering, she thought, a little longer than was strictly necessary, then pulled back and stepped away. Anders kissed her other cheek, and said, “I just want to see him out, I’ll be right back,” before leading Nathaniel out.

Marian followed them as far as the landing, observing them from her vantage point going down the stairs, crossing the main hall the entry way, their final kiss before Nathaniel opened the door and was swallowed up by the Kirkwall night. Anders stood by the door, placing a palm flat on its surface, then turned and walked back, smiling up at her beatifically when he entered the hall. She returned it, waiting for him at the rail until he reached her side and swept her up in his arms. “Let’s go to bed, love,” he murmured.

Later, she remembered that night vividly. It was the last of the good days.


End file.
